Despair
Despair is a horrible thing — I think we can all agree on that.
I’ve been in a particularly wretched mood today. The kind of a day & mood when every little thing is a struggle, even (especially?) when you know that it’s something that needs to be done. Going to church was a struggle, where only my obligation to “elder” was enough to get me there (though it wasn’t enough for me to properly execute my vocation as head-of-household, but like I said, it wasn’t the best of days…). The LORD more than made it worthwhile, graciously serving me with His gracious gifts via a faithful undershepherd’s execution of TLH p.15. There was also a reminder of how God gives us opportunities to serve our neighbors. Despite all that good stuff, I still felt Satan nipping at my heels…
Even as I was stuck in the wretched mood of, let’s be honest, despair, I still had a certain sense of detachment in which I was able to analyze it. To be honest, I wasn’t all that happy about the detachment, as it fed somewhat back into the loop, adding some feelings of guilt. It’s just how I am. But I digress…
My analysis was this: Perhaps the worst part of despair is that it is so selfish. At its worst, despair can drive someone to think/believe that others would be better off without them - we’ve heard/read examples of this time & time again. It’s almost always not true. In point of fact, however, that is merely selfish window dressing - it’s sin in the form of trying to rationalize a way to stop one’s own pain. Acting out of despair inevitably causes more pain that could ever be imagined. It ends up destroying not only the individual, but also those around the individual. That’s gotta be why it’s such a favorite tool of Satan.
Goodness knows that I eagerly anticipate God calling me home, for I am secure in the hope that Christ won for me on the cross. There are days where I struggle with what faces me in this life. And I don’t even have that difficult of a life… I’ve been incredibly blessed, but sin has a way of insinuating itself into the very fabric of our being, such that we willingly lose sight of that which God has so graciously given us.
The Psalms are a wonderful source of strength & solace during times of despair. They contain such powerful descriptions of joy & despair that it’s impossible not to find comfort in them. The Psalmist obviously felt the same type of almost manic highs & lows as I/we do. During moods like today’s, I can almost feel the old & new Adams in me battle in hand-to-hand combat. In the same thought, I can go from heart-bursting joy in God’s love for me (“Christ died that I might live” , shouts the new Adam) to soul-crushing guilt from being such a weak & cravenly selfish creature (“How dare I be so ungrateful in the face of God’s gracious Will - I’ll never be worthy!” retorts the old Adam).
I’m about done with trying to reasonably articulate all this right now. I’ll close by saying that I think one way out of funks like that which hit me today is to try to, in whatever small way possible, focus on helping someone else. One of Satan’s greatest tactics is getting us to turn ever more inward. God put us here to serve our neighbors.
Isolation is never a truly good thing. May God bless me by helping me to always understand that.
-ghp
(who, at the moment, is feeling better…)
16.Aug realitytv
An interesting slate of realitytv so far this week, no?
So You Think You Can Dance? — Grand Finale:
The “Prince of West Coast Swing” has ascended to the throne, becoming “America’s Favorite (new) Dancer”! Benji beat Travis, and I’m feeling oddly ambivalent about it, for many of the same reasons that the judges gave last night. Benji was/is definitely the most entertaining dancer in the competition, and it’s impossible to begrudge him the victory. He was a sentimental favorite early on who kept growing & growing until he became a legitimate threat to win it all. He is, however, not the best artistic/lyrical dancer… Among the guys, that honor goes to Travis (& among the girls, it goes to <*sigh*> Allison, with Heidi edging out the competition as the most entertaining dancer.), who is simply fabulous. Travis is beautiful to watch, and he shows just how powerful that dance can be as a truly artistic form of expression.
The finale was quite good, as even the interminable filler was entertaining enough (though I could’ve done without the celebrity interludes from Ciara & Fergie). Allison <*sigh*> was back and looking as oh-so-good as ever. Heidi & Donyelle were in fine fettle, with Heidi showing just how good & appealing she really is. Among the girls, I think that Heidi was clearly head-and-shoulders above the rest, in terms of growing into greatness over the course of the competition. Among the guys, I think that Benji, Travis, and Ivan were all pretty even in terms of growth, with Ivan’s overall growth being just a tick ahead of the refinement-type growth that Benji exhibited, and the self-confidence/artistic growth shown by Travis. The re-emergence of the whole Top 20 just went to show how much better the top half of that group was/is than the bottom half (perhaps with the lone exception of Musa). It was quite striking to me just how much better the Top 10 were than the rest, during the group numbers.
This was a hugely enjoyable show for me, far more so than I ever anticipated. It was an ideal mix of contestant skills & personalities, judging, choreography, hosting (Cat rocks!), & format (letting the judges be the ultimate arbiters of eliminating the first half of the top 20 was a masterstroke, as were the initial long-term pairings) — a mix that resulted in a sublimely entertaining & enjoyable show/contest. In a great many ways I wish that AI was able to get it so right & be so enjoyable!
America’s Got Talent — Final Performances:
Nothing too shocking here. I’ll be glad when it’s over and I don’t feel compelled to watch this mélange of annoying elements anymore. In almost every way, AGT is the opposite of SYTYCD?, from the judging (which is, Piers largely excepted, just abominable & worse than AI when it comes to being simpering & pandering…) to the format to the overall look & feel of the show. As for the performances last night, they were by and large pretty good (although I will never be able to abide by R-F’n-G’s talentless bleatings!). I would have to say that my short list of top performances would be: The Millers, Taylor Ware, All That, & The Passing Zone. Piers was correct in his criticisms of Celtic Spring & Quick Change, and I found it greatly annoying that those two acts continued to snipe at & argue with him — it made them look silly, petty, and (in the case of Quick Change,) quite arrogant. L.D. Miller did a much better job of constructively reacting to disagreement with Piers.
I think that, in the end, The Millers will win. L.D. Miller is just. that. good. I like all the rest of my top 4 almost as much, and they all deserve to win in their own ways (from Taylor’s preternatural cuteness, level-headed maturity, & Country-fied talent, to All That’s syncopated showmanship, to The Passing Zone’s polished, professional, hugely entertaining, & funny jugglings…). Even in light of all that (no pun intended), I just can’t get past L.D.’s incendiary talent. That young man is so hugely entertaining & talented that I can’t imagine him not being the most deserving of the big prize.
Treasure Hunters:
We’re halfway through the finale of this surprisingly entertaining & engaging show, and all I can say is “Go Team Air Force!” Well, that and “Anyone but those freaking Geniuses!” It’s been a while since I’ve had this level of antipathy towards a team (prolly since the Weavers in last summer’s Amazing Race: Family Edition…), but the Geniuses, especially Charlie, annoy the living crap out of me. Much like R-F’n-G, they. must. not. win.
RS:Supernova:
If Dilana doesn’t win, it’s a total farce & a complete sham. It’s just that simple.
-ghp
Sensitivity
So, I attended a sensitivity workshop yesterday. Working on a university campus, these things are unavoidable from time to time. And to be honest, it really wasn’t all that bad, especially compared to some that I’ve been exposed to at other places of employment. But I digress…
It was pretty standard “awareness-enhancing”/”diversity” type of stuff, but there was one exercise where I’m sure that my response raised some internal eyebrows. More specifically, we had to choose one of four things that we would least like our children to be. The choices? Drug Addict. Mentally Ill. Convicted Felon. Gay/Lesbian.
I was the only one that chose “Gay/Lesbian”… 
Fortunately, I had a little time to come up with my reasons why, as we were required to give a brief explanation. Now, I think that I generally did ok with my explanation, but I’m not totally pleased in retrospect, especially as I would’ve liked to done a better job of preemptively addressing the implicit disapproval that was shown by the folks who felt the need to couch their answers by explicitly stating that they would (of course/obviously) have no problem if their kids were gay/lesbian.
I based my answer on two things:
- Social - in our current culture being gay/lesbian is not an easy row to hoe, even though in many circles it’s very accepted. There’s still a lot of sinful behavior directed against gays/lesbians. Frankly, I wouldn’t want either of my kids to end up like Matthew Sheppard, or any of the other folks who’ve been beaten by misguided folks who thought that physical violence was an acceptable response.
- Theological - I clearly stated that I also had theological/religious reasons for not wanting my kids to be gay/lesbian. For good/bad/right/wrong, I didn’t elaborate the reasons why, but just left it at the statement that I had strongly held, faith-driven reasons for my choice.
I wish I had been a little more explicit in better fleshing out my reasons/thought processes. Fortunately, as I have my own little forum here, I can do so now!
- The other three choices (drug addict, mentally ill, convicted felon) are all things that are generally recognized by most reasonable folks as things for which help can & should be provided. IOW, they are viewed as negative states that must be addressed.
- This is not the case with being gay/lesbian, if you are approaching it from a truly Biblical perspective — IOW, that which the Bible clearly shows to be sinful, is something that society increasingly views as ok & even to be celebrated rather than prayerfully addressed.
- There are (rightly) medical & support options for addicts & the mentally ill. We can, and must, be compassionate in helping these folks overcome these circumstances that result from our sinful condition. The same is true of rehabilitated felons — many folks realize that convicted (and rehabilitated) felons need help in rebuilding their lives.
- Society doesn’t give the same benefit to those whose lives are impacted by the sin that is homosexuality. I don’t want my kids to have society encourage their sinful tendencies any more than is absolutely unavoidable. I wouldn’t want them to be unnecessarily tempted by societal approval of over-drinking and/or over-eating, either.
- It doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t love my kids. I will always love my children. I may not always like them and/or their choices/responses, but I will always love them & try to faithfully execute my vocational responsibilities re: their spiritual well-being. That I wouldn’t want them to be gay/lesbian should never be misconstrued/misrepresented as a lack, or withdrawal, of love. Approval, possibly/certainly, but love, never.
I guess it largely boils down to this: Current “tolerance” & “sensitivities” seem to dictate that it is wrong (or at the very least ignorant) to view all four things as negative/unfortunate conditions that need to be addressed with compassionate support & concern for folks’ temporal & eternal well-being.
I pray that, should the opportunity present itself again, I’m able to more resolutely confess based upon that which has been given to me!
-ghp
09.Aug realitytv
Really, there’s not all that much to write about regarding last night’s realitytv offerings; however, as I’m sure you’ve come to expect, I’ll not let that deter me from uttering a few analytical profundities… 
Last Comic Standing — Josh certainly deserved to win, although I wouldn’t have been crushed had Ty won. In fact, I think that if Ty had done last night’s set on Tuesday, he might’ve been able to pull out a win. In any event, Josh is a deserving winner. Of the other comedians who performed, the best by far was Alonzo Bodden, although John Heffron finished very strong after a weak start. Bodden was crisp & on-target both in the content and delivery of his set, and it was refreshing to see.
America’s Got Talent — The first 1/2 hour was the best, as three of the first four acts were very strong. I have no problem with All That being the judges’ selection, as they just had a tremendously good set. Magician Doug Burton once again proved that he got absolutely jobbed by the whole R-F’n-G debacle, and I will be quite disappointed if he doesn’t get America’s vote. Bobby Badfingers was surprisingly good & entertaining — he might be more than a little on the cheezy side, but it’s a “good” cheezy! None of the rest of the acts really stood out for me, although I did find Corina Brouder to be very nice (I think that I might actually buy an album if she put one out…). Piers was correct, albeit somewhat crass, in his critique of Quick Change - they’re a one-trick-pony. A good one-trick-pony, mind you, but still not diverse enough to warrant a trip to the finals, much less a million dollars. Everyone else was forgettably mediocre, with the exception of the ever-frightening Leonid. In a certain, very bizarre, way Leonid was quite entertaining. Disturbing, but entertaining. I did find it odd that the judges (Brandy in particular) didn’t proffer the same type of criticism of Leonid’s act that they lobbed Michelle Lamour’s way last week. If burlesque has no place on the show, then it has no place on the show — and Leonid was just as burlesque (perhaps even better) as Michelle. If you’re going to call straight burlesque inappropriate, then you ought to call gay burlesque inappropriate as well…
So You Think You Can Dance? — What a great, great performance finale. This show has the best judges/judging, it has the best host (”Non-Game” category — Probst & Keohgan are neck & neck for best host, “Game” category — Seacrest wishes he could be as good as Cat is!), and it does the best job of showing us how approachable & likeable its contestants are. For me, the only real “clunker” performance was the Broadway number done by Donyelle & Heidi — all the rest were just super, particularly Benji & Heidi’s Salsa & “Tranji’s” Hip-Hop. The group Pop number was also very, very good. I’ll be stunned if either Benji or Travis don’t win it. I think Heidi’s actually good enough to deserve to win, but I just don’t think she can overcome the obvious fan-bases that both guys have. I think that Travis is clearly the best “technical” and/or “lyrical” dancer, and it’s just as clear that Benji is the best “entertainer” and/or “showmanship” dancer. Watching Travis & Heidi moves me, while watching Benji & Heidi just makes me happy & entertained. At this stage, I’m not quite sure who will actually win — the only thing I am certain of is that I’ll be very sad to see this show over & done with once we hit the end of the results show next Wednesday!
AI:6 Tidbit — Auditions for AI:6 began this past week in L.A., which means that we’re just about 4 months away from the start of the 5 month AI:6 death march…
-ghp
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