I lack discipline
I lack discipline.
It manifests in many ways, not the least of which is the recent paucity of postings. It’s also why I so look forward to time off from work, only to end up doing absolutely nothing of actual, you know, substance during that time. I’ll sleep. I’ll be horrifically slack. I’ll even be able to somewhat rationalize it in my mind while it’s going on, even as I know that I’m in the middle of an ultimately unjustifiable torpor.
I have books I want to read. Projects I want to complete, both on the computer and in “meatspace“. I have oodles of things that I want to write about. I have a course I’m teaching in the Fall that I need to prepare for (yeah, they’re letting me mold young minds…).
I don’t lack motivation. I know it all needs to get done. Well, I know what needs to get done, and I know what I want to get done, and I know the general timelines for both.
I just lack discipline.
More specifically, and importantly, I lack the discipline necessary to save myself the angst and last-minute stress that can be avoided by getting things done early (I never was the type to get projects & papers done weeks ahead of time and/or in little chunks of time & effort by starting them right when they were first assigned…). All too often I’ve done my some of my best work at the last minute/the night before — often enough to reinforce the bad habit, even though I intellectually know it’s not the best practice.
Heck, I don’t even have enough discipline to have good sleeping and eating habits. So I’m always tired & overweight.
Why unburden myself here? Eh, why not? If it’s a bad idea and/or the wrong thing, I can just blame it on the fact that I lack discipline…
-ghp
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