I lack discipline
I lack discipline.
It manifests in many ways, not the least of which is the recent paucity of postings. It’s also why I so look forward to time off from work, only to end up doing absolutely nothing of actual, you know, substance during that time. I’ll sleep. I’ll be horrifically slack. I’ll even be able to somewhat rationalize it in my mind while it’s going on, even as I know that I’m in the middle of an ultimately unjustifiable torpor.
I have books I want to read. Projects I want to complete, both on the computer and in “meatspace“. I have oodles of things that I want to write about. I have a course I’m teaching in the Fall that I need to prepare for (yeah, they’re letting me mold young minds…).
I don’t lack motivation. I know it all needs to get done. Well, I know what needs to get done, and I know what I want to get done, and I know the general timelines for both.
I just lack discipline.
More specifically, and importantly, I lack the discipline necessary to save myself the angst and last-minute stress that can be avoided by getting things done early (I never was the type to get projects & papers done weeks ahead of time and/or in little chunks of time & effort by starting them right when they were first assigned…). All too often I’ve done my some of my best work at the last minute/the night before — often enough to reinforce the bad habit, even though I intellectually know it’s not the best practice.
Heck, I don’t even have enough discipline to have good sleeping and eating habits. So I’m always tired & overweight.
Why unburden myself here? Eh, why not? If it’s a bad idea and/or the wrong thing, I can just blame it on the fact that I lack discipline…
-ghp
New toys are always fun
Getting a new toy is always fun, even if the reason for getting it isn’t the best.
Case in point: I just got a nifty new treadmill. (yes, dear, I know, we got it - the allowances I have to make now that I know the wife is reading my blog…) It’s really very cool — sturdy, powerful, & lots of cool features. Ultimately, though, the reason for the purchase was because I’m a lazy so-n-so. A lazy, 40 year old, so-n-so. Who’s overweight, borderline diabetic, and has high blood pressure & cholesterol. I also have a largely sedentary (and way too stressful) job, and I’m not a big fan of the great outdoors. And I like to eat. Did I mention that I’m lazy? But, other than those minor things, everything’s just peachy.
You get the picture.
Anyhoo, my main thinking behind the treadmill is that I’m far more likely to do something if I can do it within the convenient comfort of my basement, rather than having to go out into the elements. For some folks, the elements are a/the draw. I’m not one of those folks, at least not on a consistent basis. Neither am I one who gets my moneys worth out of a gym membership. One, I lack the discipline & motivation to get there all the time, and two, I don’t like being around the people (I like having my equipment ready & waiting for me right when I want to use it!).
The challenge is, and will continue to be, to keep on keeping on. To use it & not get discouraged. Because doing something is better than doing nothing.
And it looks pretty darned cool… ;^)
-ghp
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